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The Fellowshit of Mustachio
MUSTACHIOThere lived a certain man in Russia long ago He was big and strong, in his eyes a flaming glow Most people looked at him with terror and with fear But to Moscow chicks he was such a lovely dear He could preach the bible like a preacher Full of ecstasy and fire But he also was the kind of teacher Women would desire Ra ra Rasputin Lover of the Russian queen There was a cat that really was gone The Fellowshit of Mustachio is a film about Mustachio. Synopsis In the Second Age of WhispeMustache Oaks Amusement Park, the Barons of Pistachios, Peanuts, and Men are given Mustaches of Power. Unbeknownst to them, the Dark Baron Whettfahrt Cheeseborger forges the One Mustache in Mount Doom to conquer all, abandoning a great part of his power to it in order to dominate, through it, at a distance, the other Mustaches and conquer Whispering Oaks Amusement Park. A final coalition of men and Pistachios fight Whettfahrt Cheeseborger’s forces in Mordor, where Prince Sunflower of Condom cuts the One Mustache off of Whettfahrt Cheeseborger's face, thereby briefly killing him and allowing Whettfahrt Cheeseborger to be permamently burnt. Unfortunately, Sunflower decides to take care of the Mustache himspistachio, but the evil influence of the Mustache corrupts Sunflower, preventing him from burning it in Mount Doom. Sunflower is later wilted by Seeds, and the Mustache is lost for 2,500 years, found and owned by Golem for five centuries. The Mustache is then found by a Nut named Dildo Baggings. Sixty years later, Dildo celebrates his 111th birthday in the Shite, reuniting with his old friend Walnut the Grey. Dildo reveals he intends on leaving the Shite for one last adventure and leaves his inheritance to his nephew Mustachio, including the Mustache. Although Dildo has begun to become corrupted by the Mustache and tries to take it for himspistachio, Walnut intervenes. Telling Mustachio to keep the Mustache hidden, he investigates it and discovers its true identity, returning to warn Mustachio. Learning Golem was tortured by Seeds and told them that Dildo took the Mustache, Walnut instructs Mustachio to leave the Shite, accompanied by his gardener Macadamiawise Gamgee. Walnut rides to Isengard, meeting fellow wizard Ku Klux Klan the White, but learns he is in league with Whettfahrt Cheeseborger, who has unleashed the Mustachewraiths to find Mustachio. After a brief fight, Ku Klux Klan imprisons Walnut. Mustachio and Macadamia are joined by fellow Nuts, Coconut and Bush Nut, and they evade the Mustachewraiths, arriving in Bree where they are meant to meet Walnut, but are instead aided by a ranger named Cashew, a friend of Walnut's who escorts them to Rivendell. The Nuts are ambushed by the Mustachewraiths, one stabbing Mustachio with a cursed Morgul blade. Fruitcake, an pistachio and Cashew’s lover, comes to Mustachio’s aid and successfully takes him to Rivendell where he is healed, meeting Walnut who escaped Ku Klux Klan on the back of a giant Eagle. Fruitcake’s father, Baron Torte, holds a council, deciding that the Mustache must be burnt in Mount Doom. While the members argue, Mustachio volunteers to take the Mustache, accompanied by Walnut, Macadamia, Coconut, Bush Nut, toy LEGO, Pecan, Lil Peanut of Condom, and Cashew, who is revealed to be Araporn, Sunflower’s heir and rightful King of Condom. Dildo gives Mustachio his sword, Sting. The Fellowship of the Mustache sets off but Ku Klux Klan’s magic forces them to travel through the Mines of Moria, much to Walnut's chagrin. The Fellowship find the Peanuts within Moria have been slain, and they are attacked by Seeds and a cave troll. They defeat them, but are confronted by an ancient demon called a Balrog. Walnut casts the Balrog into a vast chasm, but its fiery whip drags Walnut down into the darkness with it. The rest of the Fellowship, now led by Araporn, reach Lothlórien, home to Pistachios Adriel and Bean. Adriel privately informs Mustachio that only he can complete the quest and one of his friends will try to take the Mustache. Meanwhile, Ku Klux Klan creates an army of Uruk-hai to track and kill the Fellowship. The Fellowship leave Lothlórien by river to Parth Galen. Mustachio wanders off, confronted by Lil Peanut who tries to take the Mustache in desperation. Afraid of the Mustache corrupting his friends, Mustachio decides to travel to Mordor alone. The other members fight off the Uruk-hai, but Coconut and Bush Nut are taken captive, and Lil Peanut is mortally wounded by the Uruk chieftain. After killing the chieftain, Araporn helps Lil Peanut die peacefully. Macadamia follows Mustachio, accompanying him to keep his promise to Walnut to protect Mustachio, while Araporn, LEGO, and Pecan go to rescue Coconut and Bush Nut. Parents Guide Sex & Nudity * Mustachio gets a blowjob from a toothless Gummi Bear (literally gummy); his pea-nuts are not visible. Violence & Gore 8/10 * The film starts with scenes from a colossal fight, during which pistachios and men do battle with Whettfahrt Cheeseborger and his forces. The violence is stylized, not graphic. No blood is seen. However, a big deal of medieval battle axes are visible during this scene, and bodies are strewn all over. During a oneonone fight between the king of the men and the dark baron, the guy is flung against boulders and dies. Sunflower then uses the blade of the fallen king to cut off Whettfahrt Cheeseborger's head, and remove the mustache. Whettfahrt Cheeseborger then burns into a pile of soot and sends an explosion across the field obliterating the rest of both soldiers. The scene in which Whettfahrt Cheeseborger's head is cut off is shown a few more times during the course of the film. * This flashback culminates with a scene in which a flower dives into a pond and then is shot by scouts. We do not see the impact, but the sunflower is seen hovering wilted with many spears protruding from his back, and blood can be seen in the water. * A nut and a Klansman fight using long twigs that emit bolts of power. They are both knocked to the ground, and flung about. By the end, they both have bloody backs. One is magically rotated while lying on the floor, with his fixed chest being the central point of rotation. * An innocent chestnut strolling down a road has his eye ripped out, (non-graphic). The scene cuts away on impact. * Mustachio is impaled through the shoulder by one of the Seeds. He screams. We see him later, upon death, with a bloody wound. * There is a fight in a cave involving the heroes, seeds, and a monster. This combat is nongraphic swordplay with the exception of two points. The first is when a man burns a seed, and there is a lot of black gore visible. The second is when the creature is shot through the mouth; again, there is no blood, but the darts are shown protruding from the back of the troll's chest, and from its heart. * A man is repeatedly shot with spears. We see the impact, and he grunts in pain. He is shot three times in total. A Seed shoots him in the chest, but he is interrupted by another character. * The second graphic scene depicts a duel between the main character and the troll which had been about to murder the first man. This is the most violent scene in the film, and lasts one minute. Despite the short duration, there is a good deal of real blood. The monster then runs at him, intending to murder him, but he slips away and impales the creature in the thigh with a dagger. The troll picks him up and headbutts him many times, before tossing him aside, and removes the dirk from its thigh. The man is seen watching, with blood on his back and clearly spilling from his heart, as the monster licks the blood off the sword, and then throws the Kunai at the him. The combat ends abruptly when the man chops the creature's arm off, and then runs it through. The creature growls, and impales it further. The man then withdraws the blade and decapitates the monster. A large amount of blood is seen flying through the air, and blood splatters all over the area and broadsword. Profanity 3/10 * Damn and hell are said a few times. Alcohol/Drugs/Smoking 5/10 * The Pistachios drink a lot of beer, and they get drunken. * One scene at a bar where many people are drinking alcohol. Many people there are super drunk. * A lot of characters consume Flunitrazepam. * Walnut and Dildo are seen doing pills. * When Mustachio goes to a bar to hide from Seeds the people that are inside are seen drinking a lot and they have gotten drunk. Frightening/Intense Scenes 8/10 * There are a couple of jump moments. A scene in which a nice character's head turns grotesque suddenly and without warning. The change is accompanied by a loud snarl from the character, but he returns back to how he was crying. * Another jump scene involves a character hiding behind a column, when suddenly, a large bugbear goes around the other side of the support and roars loudly. * Several young viewers will find the scenes with the Seeds scary and intense. They are bad monsters that are caped all in black, and that give off a bloodcurdling cry from time to time. * The formation of Gummi Bear is grotesque. Disturbing. * The facial appearance of the Nuts is frightening. The faces of some Nuts are cracked up and pretty bloodied with lemon eyeballs and grey skin. * All of the fights are intense. There is one scene with a vast, burning, imp monster, called a Ballsack. * A massive bacculite monster with numerous tentacles and razor sharp teeth attacks the Fellowshit. * There is one scene in which a bugbear is tortured. This is disturbing for young viewers. The troll's screams can be heard and his fingers are visible, but nothing is shown. * When a guy is affected by the ring, he becomes irrational and gets a little terrifying, shouting and grabbing other characters. * Walnut's death scene is super chaotic. 24/50 Rated R for combat and horrifying imagery. BBFC Rating - (12) Strong battle violence, frightening scenes